My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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