Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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