You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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