I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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