I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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