Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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