I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
