I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
