I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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