The maid of honor just puked.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
