Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
