Me too!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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