I can text with my tongue
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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