Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
