just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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