THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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