so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
