I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
