i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
