he shaved USA in his pubs
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
