I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
