I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
