1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Congratulations! We have a period
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize