i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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