Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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