glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish i was in the wii world.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
