Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
