with your own penis?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
