I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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