My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
