The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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