There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
