You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
