my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
