Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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