If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
