Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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