you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
