dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
