did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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