Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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