I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
