sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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