And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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