but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
