im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
