Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
