i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
