i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
