when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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