I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
