Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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