Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
