May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
