Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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