toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Even my vagina gasped.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
