getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
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You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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