haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
