She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
