I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
