The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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