happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
