I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
