it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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