Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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