she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
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Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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