i think my tv is drunk
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
