So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
