I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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